Thursday, January 06, 2005

I want my studs hairier!

Ok, so I'm walking past the gay bookstore.

Yeah, I live on Capitol Hill in Seattle. Which gay bookstore? Well, the one between my house and my job, of course. Or, more accurately, between my work and my home.

So, I'm glancing over at the window display and what do I see? The 2005 Hairy Studs Calendar, of course. What stikes me about said calendar? Mostly, I must say, the relative hairlessness of the cover model.

If I were a gay man seeking twelve "hairy studs" to adorn my wall for the entirety of this year our Lord, two-thousand and five, I'd want a hairier stud.

Sure, if I was a hairy stud lovin' gay man and just happened upon a "Studs" calendar, I'm sure I'd leap up and down - that's 'cos I'm kind of a dork not because I'd be acting like a stereotypical fruit, just so you know - and think, "Wow! That guy has hair on his chest while all of these other calendar models are all waxed and shiny. I'll get this one."

Or something to that effect.

But is he really a "hairy stud"?

No, the ever-sexy Burt is a hairy stud.

Not that I'm saying all gay men should be sexed up by Burt Reynolds...

Ok. I kind of am. I am, however, also saying that straight men, gay women, eunuchs and crones should be sexed up by him. He's Burt Reynolds!

The fact that's he's playing Boss Hogg makes every mistake about the upcoming Dukes Of Hazzard movie not matter. It even makes Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke, which really is fucking insane, not matter a bit. Burt as Boss Hogg will be worth $10.

Oh, Burt!

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