Friday, July 15, 2005

Movies that suck

I've seen two recently.

Ocean's Twelve: Yeah, I didn't see the Ocean's Eleven remake back in the day. I just think the original was such a piece of crap, I couldn't bring myself to, despite all the people saying how different it was. I'm a stubborn motherfucker sometimes. Anyway, I enjoyed exactly two things in Ocean's Twelve, Topher Grace's cameo and Carl Reiner's line "I want the last check I write to bounce." Everything else was utterly tedious.

The Assault on Precinct 13 remake: Crap. More busy camera, overedited bullshit. Mind you, I'm not a knee-jerk anti-busy camera/heavy editing guy. I've seen a lot of people do interesting creative work with stuff like that. Clearly, though, Jean-François Richet beats off to Guy Ritchie movies. A great cast, except weiner boy playing a weiner boy police sargeant who spends most of his time being all weinery about everything. Look, this is a role taken from John Wayne (in Rio Bravo) and Austin Stoker (in John Carpenter's original Assault on Precinct 13), the weiner crap has got to go. And riddle me this, are there any other remakes where reversing the races made it impossibly less interesting? Taking an incredibly fun western romp and a taut thriller and remaking them as a big snoozefest is its own accomplishment, I suppose. They should win a prize.

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