Tuesday, July 26, 2005

My big confession

I don't give a crap about Lance Armstrong. Really. He rides the frickin' Tour de France. I don't give a crap about the frickin' Tour de France. And before the hype surrounding this guy, I don't recall anyone else I ever met giving a crap about the frickin' Tour de France.

I'm exactly as interested in Lance Armstrong as I am in the world's greatest sack racer.

Now, if you were interested in the Tour de France before... Hell, if you were even interested in little sports that aren't covered by the Big American Media... then that's fine. I'm hip to you being interested in this guy and his triumphs. But somehow the frickin' Tour de France makes it onto the front page of the newspaper now.

Ok, some people are going to be thinking something along the lines of, "But he beat cancer..." or some shit, right?

Yeah, I fucking hate cancer like nobody's business. I'm happy that the guy beat cancer, but not more than I would be if the world's greatest sack racer beat cancer... or even if the world's worst sack racer beat cancer. Pretty much, aside from the filthiest Nazi scumbags out there, I hate cancer the most.

But that doesn't make me care about the frickin' Tour de France or the cult of personality of this guy.

And all of this apparently because his body is formed in some way the makes it easier for him. Is this really more impressive than if Clark Kent kept winning the damn race (I suppose this malformation of his body actually makes him a mutant of sorts, so perhaps someone like, say, Quicksilver would be a better, if more obscure, example)?

And, yes, I know all sports are dependent on people who are preternaturally more impressive at performing feats of strength and agility than the rest of us, but at least with the major team sports - even the dumbass ones like soccer and basketball - require teamwork and some modicum of strategy that invites the rest of us into their world and gives us some degree of imagining that if the other team out thinks them that they might be able to beat the Michael Jordans of the world.

Who cares about this and why? I mean, it's not like the Big American Media is going to keep up on the frickin' Tour de France once this guy finally really does quit.

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