Friday, March 09, 2007

Movie boobs

Yes, I write about boobs in movies more often than any sane person could be interested. Just be glad you're not in my head, as I think about this crap even more than that.

And, yes, sadly, it's mostly wonky academic contemplation and not fun imagining of young topless starlet. Indeed there is much wrong with me.

The key difficulty in navigating this issue, or so go the perceptions, is that if you do nudity too soon in the wrong project, then you're perceived as a bimbo starlet who gets offered every T&A role in town, and if you wait too long, then you become someone not quite committed to their craft enough to be a serious actress.

Anyhow, I was recently pointed to this article, Danielle Harris talks Halloween by Logan DeSisto.

In it, she says, "I also do topless stuff in this movie, which is something that I don’t think any of the fans know, nor have I ever done partial nudity in a film before. And it's only because I respect Rob so much, and because it's not, for a lack of a better word, a T&A shot. It really about what happens. And if you’re looking at my boobs and not looking at the scene, than you're crazy."

Now, you've probably already spotted three stupid things about this statement without my help, but let me start with: You're trying to position Rob Zombie's Halloween as the serious movie in which you're doing the nudity for the sake of art?! For real?

Let's come back to that, though. I think she's set a pretty amazing standard for what might be going on in that scene that it would, in fact, so fully distract a crowd of heterosexual men from focusing their attention on her boobs that those who weren't could best be described as infected with madness. Man, that's a pretty heavy promise right there! That's carnival barker talk there!

Presenting an even bigger problem for the scene since now I - and others like me - will be making a special effort to focus on her boobs just out of principle. Mr. Zombie had better have something awfully special planned for that.

But, you say, that wasn't really her intention. She's really just positioning herself as not a bimbo starlet who is ready to take on every T&A role in town. Obviously, that's her intention, but she is, it must be said, doing it quite badly.

First of all, she seems to largely be preceding any compelling public demand to see her naked. I'm currently convinced that the generally creepy cry-out to see certain young actresses has impeded their willingness to do nude scenes, in some cases that may end up being permanent. Look at obvious examples such as Kirsten Dunst and Lindsay Lohan. Neither seem shy about their bodies and both seem/seemed to be positioning themselves as somewhat serious actresses. For whatever it's worth, I think Scarlett Johansson fits in there somewhere, too.

As such, this can't be a successful Swordfish manuever. Unless I'm missing something major, her bosoms are not going to manage to be the selling point of this (not to mention the fact that there's no Monster's Ball to protect from juvenile attention).

Ultimately, I think it's one of those things where saying less is always better. Did she really bring it up, as the article makes it seems that she did?

I've not even gotten close to half the ridiculous issues tied into this.

And, I'm sure someone is thinking why are we making these poor young women go through this? Which is fair enough, but until we move to a society of people that isn't intimidated by naked people and, more importantly doesn't consider judging celebrities by standards they'd never be willing to be judged by themselves, that's how it goes.

If you want some fairness, then why are we not putting more your men through this? I'll jump on that bandwagon, until the day people decide to attempt to do something of value with their lives... so forever, I reckon.


Joe said...

Great comments but I admit I scrolled over the post looking for pictures after seeing the title.

Piper said...


You just made sure that every perv past 10 o'clock will cross your sight and be very disappointed to see that The Bleeding Tree is not some porn sight.

I speak from experience. I wrote about Britney pantiless months ago and still get 100s of hits from that. I would delete it, but then no one would visit.

Neil said...

Yeah, I suppose over time I've attracted and disappointed quite a few people with my weird posts in which I discuss breasts and whatnot without showing any pictures.

I guess that's just the weird kind of blogger I am.

Luckily there are plenty of nudie pics out their on Ye Olde Internet for all to enjoy. Good luck, folks.

In this case, I don't even know exactly what I would have illustrated it with.

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