Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Hell ride


I have a theory that if Beavis grew up and made a movie, it would be a lot like Hell Ride.

"Hehehe! This is going to be cool! Hehehehe! Fire! Fire! Fire! Whoa! Boobs! Hehehehe!"

When I went to high school, I had a bunch of friends in the jazz choir. In my defense, one of them was my girlfriend. At one point, they were taught how to scat. Suffice it to say, the sound of these middle class white kids would have made Cab Calloway roll in his grave, had he been dead yet. Without words to convey meaning or soul to convey emotion, singing becomes a follow and pointless exercise in technique, which may be valuable to students of vocal technique, but subjecting the rest of us to it was just wrong.

This movie is similar in the way it mimics the drive-in fare of the '70s. It doesn't really mean anything. It doesn't want to do anything but impress with its coolness, but fails to have words or soul.

That should be enough, but I want to make a special note about the ludicrous cardboard women. Pervert! has substantially richer characterization of women... Ok, I'm being unfair, since Pervert! is actually kind of remarkable in what its able to accomplish without ever feeling like anything but the most absurd over-the-top kind of moviemaking. All they are given as character points is a constant desire for sex, and the prostitutes in Full Metal Jacket are more convincing in their portrayal of horniness... and they're supposed to be insincere!

I'm not sure if I'm more glad that people are making movies like this or concerned that if people make movies of this ilk that are this bad, it could end the flow of money to things like that fast!


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