Monday, December 22, 2008

Stripping, sex and sexual identity

I've recently gotten into a rather interesting discussion. I won't get into too much specific detail.

I have at various times made comments and been warned that folks in these parts, being Texas, are less likely than the folks in the parts I'm from, being Washington, to be able to openly relate because of their more open homophobia.

Now, here I mean to use homophobia in a more traditional sense, in having fear of sexual intimacy with members of one's own sex. I remember once I saw James Woods on The Tonight Show and he was discussing an event he attended with President George H. W. Bush. At this event there was a sing-a-long or a prayer or something in which people gathered in a circle and held hands. He told this story and explained that he whispered to the president of the United States of America that he wasn't holding his hand because of any romantic intention. Now, there's something a little weird, in my mind, with the notion that would even pop into your head to make a joke about at that moment. Now, I would absolutely not hold hands with our current president, but certainly not because he might misconstrue my intentions.


But I also have no problem saying that Clive Owen is hunky. Why? Well, because he is hunky. If you fed his features into that Attractiveness-Super-Computer than gave us the image of the ideal visages a few years back, it would come back with a message, "That dude is Super Hunky!" I believe it would follow up by making a series of electronic "hubba hubba" noises.

So, as far as I can tell, not being able to admit being able to recognize his attractiveness isn't a sign of one's über-heterosexual tendencies, but just a sign of being a moron or a liar.

I also made some comment about the fact that if I were in a post-Apocalyptic world with no women, I suspect I'd eventually find myself pairing with masculine guys rather than feminine guys, because even though I am generally attracted to feminine - literally female - under the current natural state in which both female and male exist and are potentially available as sex partners, I don't really find feminine men, whether pretty boys or twinks, to be that attractive.

Well, that's probably not free of gayness, but I've got to say, that's me imagining a rather preposterous hypothetical before submitting that. In fact, preposterous enough that it would probably actually be impossible to fully appreciate what one would feel and do.

But then there's some larger discussion of people going to strip clubs in groups... and my reaction is, well, that sounds too gay for me.

Now, this probably sounds counter-intuitive, and is at first glance, but I am serious.

The mostly naked woman in the picture does a lot to mask the appearance of gayness, I admit. The surface is indeed über-heterosexual.


But ultimately, if a man is sitting with his friends, including male friends, and he's exposing his tastes. He's in parts imitating his most intimate sexual interplay with the strippers and demonstrating his most sensitive moments during others. To me, those things are sexually intimate moments.

Sharing them with the stripper, who is, in essence, a stranger, may be something not entirely healthy, but understandable, and, again, not gay.

Now, again, this all simply falls into my different experience and I don't intend a judgment. Guys perform complete sex acts with one another and I think that's terrific for them. It's just not something I am comfortable exploring, because, well, it's too gay for me.

Likewise, if a bunch of guys who I actually know and such can't dismiss as "background noise" can see, even if only by accident, the look on my face when someone does something particularly physically pleasurable as someone's leg rubs against my crotch or how my gaze falls over a mostly naked woman as she stands next to me and gives me a seductive look, then that makes me uncomfortable. These are things I specifically do not share with my guy friends. These are sexually intimate parts of my being, and I don't think they need that information, nor do I wish to have it about them.

Somewhere in the things I don't share with my guy friends are probably a matter of me having issues with sharing, but others make such complete sense to me that I'm unable to fully make the mental crossover to understand what makes other people tick. What they think that makes them see these things differently.

I'm sure there's an entire other post exploring why actual strip clubs seem to have sprung up as an issue in Texas, while only the most hypothetical discussion of movie stripping was discussed on this blog in Washington. I have no interest in writing that post - or even pondering the topic - at this time.

2 comments:

Onyx said...

A friend and I once bought a lap dance for our buddy. I remember watching the girl mostly, Coco I think her name was, but to be honest what I remember most was my friend, the look on his face with her breasts in front of him, how tense his hands were, and things like that. I was a little jarred, because with a little bit of imagination (not even a little) the moment felt kind of gay. Weird, because you don't expect those kind of moments in strip clubs...or anywhere for that matter. Hmm, now I'm getting uncomfortable.

Subject change, but not really. If anybody has a thing for a 48 year old Marisa Tomei, she's a stripper in The Wrestler. Great movie, decent stripping.

Neil Sarver said...

Yeah, it's a weird thought, which is why I think it doesn't occur to people... although if you take that to the point of a threesome, even if there's no male-to-male touching, it becomes obvious.

Following the comfort raising comfort change, Ms. Tomei is, according to my brief research, only 44, thus much closer to my dating range, happily as I've been holding that as a realistic possibility for my future... [winky emoticon deleted]

I'm sure I'll get around to The Wrestler. Her regular nudity was one of the few things that made Before the Devil Knows You're Dead almost worth watching. This will probably offer more and yet I'm still feeling hesitant for some reason.

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