I was surfing around the very entertaining Topless Robot, and came across The 8 PG-Rated Movies That Should Not Have Been Rated PG by Brian Hanson.
This just reminds me why I hate the MPAA and I want all these young kids to get off my lawn.
I'll confess, the "PG-13" was introduced in 1984, when I was... 13. So it seemed like it was awesome. The idea that "PG" movies might be able to be a little "bolder" or less bold "R" movies might creep down so I could see them in the theater... without the trouble of sneaking in, since I hadn't yet learned that in those days, no one cared how old you were when they sold a ticket. Not hardly anyone. Not only teenage ticket sellers.
Not one single ticket selling soul.
Ultimately, it has proved to be the slow death of cinema, quite honestly, so I apologize to the movie going public for my former support.
But seriously. Every single one of those movies should be "PG"! That's fucking exactly what the "PG" rating was designed for. Back before the "PG-13" squeezed in there and turned everyone's brain into an even doughier paste than it had been.
Beetlejuice! Get off my lawn!
I grew up in a world where Planet of the Apes could provide you with murder, mayhem, injury, blasphemy, gun-totin' gorillas and three full minutes of bare-naked Heston ass while remaining rated... "G".
Don't get me started on The Beastmaster and Sheena... Oh, Tanya Roberts, glorious queen of "PG" toplessness!
What was I talking about? Get off my lawn!
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
This world where "G" barely exists, "PG" means what "G" used to. "PG-13" means what "PG" used to, except strangely perhaps even wussier.
Raiders of the Lost Ark? We used to stack fucks like you five feet high!
Ok, that last part is a lie, but seriously.
Where's the part where parents were supposed to actually pay a little bit of goddamn attention for themselves what their kids were seeing and that the MPAA ratings were a guideline.
"Hey, kids can handle Heston ass. Come on. Ok, Tanya's boobs? We'll let parents know there's some reason they should do some research..."
Seriously, these parents who freaked out about Gremlins being "PG"... They weren't right! They were bad parents! Lazy fuckwits who demand other people do their job for them. They shouldn't be catered to, they should have their kids sent to foster homes.