Saturday, June 27, 2009
Let's imagine there's this very successful and popular musician. It's tough, I know, in this society to imagine such a thing, but try to stay with me.
Now, imagine your wife or husband or long-term boyfriend or girlfriend... If you don't have any of those, try to put your mind back to a time when you did. So, this person is, to some degree or another, able to cope, or make some kind of attempt to cope, with an intimate adult relationship. They're a grown-up and even if they fail miserably, they're ready to try, they know what it involves and want to achieve it on some level.
It's worth mentioning here, I'm not speaking of sexual or physical intimacy. In fact, I'm specifically speaking of all the other parts of it.
So, this very successful and popular musician invites you to their home and says they want your significant other to come and stay with them for an extended period of time. Your partner will be their constant companion, will talk, do special activities and sleep in the same bed. For whatever reason, you are definitely convinced that there won't be any actual hanky panky. This thing won't touch that thing and nothing at all will touch that other thing.
Yeah, that last part probably takes a bit of imagining, I'm sure, but try to live it for the moment. You've been convinced by the two of them that there's no way that could happen.
Ok, now even if you imagine that, how much more comfortable with this are you?
(Honestly, and it doesn't help my little parable much, but I think I'd have an easier time with it if she just went backstage, sucked the guy off and came back home to do all of that other stuff with me.)
All of that behavior is the structure of an intimate adult relationship.
The reinvigorated debate over whether Michael Jackson did or didn't do this or that with this or that kind misses the most essential point, which we can all actually answer without even trying.
Perhaps in a court of law, it matters whether this thing touched that thing and nothing at all will touched that other thing, but the relationships themselves were indisputably wrong regardless of that.