Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Offered without apology

I can easily explain why a good song captures feelings that a great many people recognize, but that doesn't stop it from being a little spooky sometimes.

This feels exactly like the way I felt when I moved to Texas. The plea of no contest feels particularly, and painfully, on-the-nose.

Not to mention, "all the grief in all the world is not enough to make me comfort you" and "Don't make a sideshow of yourself."

I point this out mostly to note how glad I am that I don't feel like that anymore.

I'm not sure how I feel now. Old, I guess.

Not in the lazy societal pejorative. I feel old in good ways and bad ways.

Physically tired right now. I've been working a lot, and even though it's not taxing labor, it still builds up on a poor body like mine. And obviously a little reflective.

But in so many ways more in touch with myself and who I am, or at least who I want to be, in terms that aren't mere rejections of other ways. I feel like maybe most people get here sooner than I seem to be, but sometimes that's the way life goes.

I arrived at so many childhood things earlier than most, I guess coming to grown-up things late is only fair.

I'm very glad I have Kimberly Rae, I'm excited about our baby. I'm interested in the future from a perspective of my life, including my inner life, in a way I don't remember being before... at least not in a very long time.

Things are good.

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