Thursday, May 05, 2011

The birth of my son

It's baby Conan and Hot Stuff. Dark Horse take note.

Conan Daigorō Levon Sarver was born on April 16, 2011 at 1:50am. He was 7 pounds 14 ounces, 22 inches.

If you ask Kimberly Rae why we added the third name, she'll say...

If you ask me why, I'll say...

It's not much of a disagreement.

Kim was admitted to the hospital two times prior to the last time, and that last time left us there a week.

The whole thing left me physically and emotionally exhausted, both from the endurance tests of the experience as well as the amazing joy.

He is the most amazing little human I've ever seen and I want to smile every time I look at him. I also want to hold him and just absorb him into me, if say, that made any logical sense.

But that's just the tip of the iceberg. Everyone tells you how much you'll love your newborn child, and I was as prepared as one could be for that. In fact, there'd been months of discussion and anticipation leading up to the event.

What no one prepared me for is how overwhelmingly it would raise my feeling for Kim. Just watching her go through those months of pregnancy and the hours and hours of the birth process was just tremendous. I tear up just thinking of all she went through to bring our son into the world. I can only hope anything I do in the lifetime of fatherhood and partnerdom will live up to all of that.

I love her more now than I ever had any clue one human being could love another before.

I'm still overwhelmed and exhausted, if you want to know. Trying to comprehend what I've experienced, even less trying to put it into words seems like something for the future.

I promise I'll say more about my family and our life in the days to come.

What I know is that I'm determined to be good for my family, as best I can.

Sometimes that comes out in terms of wanting to be as responsible as I can be. Others it comes to a passion to protect Kim and Conan against anyone and everyone I conceive as a threat of any kind.

Most, though, I just want to spend every possible moment with them and share every possible bit of joy I have with them. I want to learn who he turns out to be. Of course some of that is going to be determined by my guidance and I hope I'm up to the task of doing it properly.

But I want to see, outside of that, who he turns out to be. I want to continue watching as his personality and interests develop.

I can't wait to share his life and watch it unfold with Kim. I'm very excited for all three of us.


Lisa said...

Beautiful Neil! Thank you! xo

Bob Turnbull said...

I love the devil stuffed toy!

Neil, most serious Congratulations are required here (I'm obviously overdue as I haven't been on Facebook much of late). That last photo is awesome - look at how sharp those eyes are already! You are in so much trouble...B-)

Document as much as you can...I recently finally downloaded my old digital tapes into our Mac and pulled a bunch of footage together for my parents and inlaws (that covered my son's first 6 years). It was amazing to revisit it all and I laughed myself sick a few times recalling his old behaviours and some of the things he did once he became more sentient.

It's weird - I can't wait to see what my guy is gonna be when he gets older, but I also don't want to rush it as I love him as he is at this stage. And I also miss the way he used to be, but that's OK. I do wish that I could bottle all the different stages of his life and revisit at my whim. I guess I'll have to make do with watching him grow day by day.

Enjoy the hell out him Neil. Congrats!

Neil Sarver said...

Lisa, thanks! I feel like there's so much more to say, which is why I took so long to write anything. I'm certain I'll have more to say on the subject.

Bob, thanks to you, too! I can tell he's already dangerous, but hopefully more in a good way than bad. We'll see.

I promise we're both cherishing every moment. He's so terrific! We enjoy everything he does.

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