Sunday, December 18, 2016

Merry fuckin' Christmas


I fuckin' love Christmas!

I love the whole thing. I love Christmas movies and Christmas specials.

I love Christmas music. I love religious songs like Hark! The Herald Angels Sing and O Little Town of Bethlehem. I love silly songs like Nuttin' For Christmas and Christmas Goose. I love modern ones like Soulful Christmas and Merry Xmas Everybody. I like cynical ones like Santa Looked a Lot Like Daddy and Fuck Christmas.

I love surf covers of Christmas songs by the likes of Davie Allan & the Arrows and Los Straitjackets.

I love Ronnie Spector and Darlene Love.

I love presents and time with my family. I could be fuckin' Buddy in Elf.

Whenever the types of conservatives who complain about the liberal "war of Christmas", they sound insane to me, because it's not part of my world. Christmas is fuckin' awesome. The only thing that it less festive it the regular moronic and irritating remarks from them.

I occurs to me that, like most political assumptions made as a matter of course, by people of all political stripes, it's likely that part of their assumption is not only not true, but the opposite of the truth.

Here, of course, I'm talking about "Happy Holidays" and "Seasons Greetings" being ways to avoid reference to Christmas.

It occurs to me these were indeed created to come up with a way to reference Christmas at a time when saying "Merry Christmas" isn't natural.

No one wishes a person a happy birthday weeks before the anniversary of their birth. Even Holy Wednesday seems awkward for an Easter greeting. Independence Day greetings don't begin in June. I'm fairly certain I've never been told to have a Happy New Year until December 31. Maybe on a Friday before when it occurred on a weekend.

So, even today, with me jolly and enthused for the big day, watching Bob Clark movies and listening to >my holiday playlist, I think it's weird whenever someone says "Merry Christmas" to me today, a full week early.

I suspect that was generally true at one time. You wished one a Merry Christmas a day or two before the say when it was imminent and reasonable that you wouldn't see the person before the day.

But retailers have wanted it on your mind as early as possible for a long, long time now. People always think this is weirdly recent, but we can safely say there's at least a century of this effort behind us. "Happy Holidays!" is a perfect way to refer to a series of holidays, just in terms of U.S. Federal Holidays, we have three in fairly short order, not even mentioning the other religious and other holidays in there as well. Because in a normal world, it's weird as fuck to say "Merry Christmas" a month before the holiday is going to occur, you can still make a reference to keep it on people's minds, but still be appropriate to the moment, in referring to the whole time period.

Now, of course, the real war against the religious celebration of Christ's birth is waged by the secular celebration of elves, consumption and candy that is much of what people, including the generally religious, think about throughout this time, so perhaps they are on track than they know.

Anyway, I hope everyone is enjoying the season and has a Merry Christmas... except those motherfuckers who gripe about whether people say "Merry Christmas". I hope Santa shits down all of their throats.

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